The Smurfs Christmas Special (1982)
Just as a note, instead of using profanity, I will use the word “smurf” (most of the time at least.) That being said:
So I was on Facebook Saturday night, sitting on my couch with the TV on in the background. Cartoon Network’s cousin, Boomerang, was having a Christmas special marathon. Being a lover of old school Christmas specials, I kept the TV on Boomerang. At one point, the 1982 Smurfs Christmas Special came on. That was one of the few vintage Christmas specials that I had never seen so I decided to half-watch it. And in all honesty, I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing this special. Here’s my version of what happened:
So it’s Christmas Eve and a little a boy and girl are traveling with their grandfather in a one horse open sleigh. They’re going to visit their rich uncle in his mansion. D’awww, it’s so sweet at first; the children ask their grandpa if Santa really exists and he says yes and they’re all so happy and joyful. And then ZOMG this dark-hooded figure is seen watching the sleigh from the woods. This creepy guy has a pack of wolves at his side, which he sicks on the sleigh. The sleigh turns over and grandpa is stuck underneath, completely unconscious.
That’s an actual picture of semi-dead grandpa trapped under the sleigh. God smurfing smurf it, I thought this was supposed to be a smurfing children’s cartoon! But no, wait for it, this gets much worse.
So these poor kids are sad and scared and go looking for help. They come upon Gargamel, the series resident douchebag, and ask him for assistance. But Gargamel sends them away because he’s too busy trying to find a way to destroy the smurfs. So the kids leave and a wolf follows them. Suddenly, the whole wolf pack backs the kids up against a tree and surrounds them. Scary death music is playing in the background and the little girl starts singing “Silent Night.” That was the first time I looked up from facebook; it sounded really disturbing.
Luckily, Papa Smurf comes to the rescue!! He basically tells the wolves to smurf off and, I smurf you not, the wolves actually listen to him!! The kids think Papa Smurf is Santa Claus, so they automatically trust him. They tell him about their grandpa and ask for help. Smurf it, if I were lost in the woods and I saw tiny blue creatures, I’d think I was suffering from the effects of some hallucinogenic drug. It would make sense, their houses are allusions to weed… Anyway, the smurfs help the children and sing a song about goodness making the badness go away (more info on this later.) The smurfs find the overturned sleigh, and instead of finding grandpa, they find a note. The note is from the kids’ uncle; apparently grandpa is okay and the children are directed to stay by the sleigh until their uncle comes to get them.
Meanwhile, that same mysterious figure from the forest enters Gargamel’s castle. He tells Gargamel that he can give him the power to destroy the smurfs. However, Gargamel must first find the children and bring them to this “mysterious stranger” as he is referred to. This stranger seeks revenge against the kids’ uncle and grandfather; apparently they’re do-gooders who get in the way of his “work.”
For the love of… ugh, this is only going to get worse. Gargamel complies and kidnaps the children while they’re waiting by the sled. The smurfs follow the tracks in an attempt to save the children. While they’re doing that, Gargamel uses the spell that the stranger gave him and destroys the Smurf village.
OK, here’s where it gets REALLY sick: The mysterious stranger tied the kids up and he’s dragging them across the snow. Gargamel and Azrael are following close behind. The kids complain of being tired and that they can’t walk anymore. The stranger says that’s okay and that this place will do nicely. OK, this is where you really start to realize that something’s smurfed up here. Just read the following dialogue:
Stranger (to Gargamel): You will accompany me and the children on what I regard as… The Final Journey.
Me: *looks up from laptop*
Little Girl: You said no more walking.
S: We won’t be walking, my dear child.
Gargamel: W-w-where are you taking us?
S: Home! MY Home!! I’m quite sure you’ll like it.
Me: Whoa, wait a second here…
*Gargamel runs*
S: NO ONE LEAVES UNTIL AFTER THE CEREMONY!!
And then this happens:
Me: O_O You have got to be kidding me…
LG: Please!! You’re scaring me!!
^(Just look at the creepy son on a smurf)
S *chanting* Fire Fire burning bright, bring us home this very night!!
LG: Stop, please stop!!
Back to post form: I think it’s obvious now. This guy is the Devil himself. Satan. Lucifer. The Fallen Angel. THIS GUY IS SMURFING SATAN!!! IN A CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS CARTOON! HE’S TRYING TO BRING LITTLE CHILDREN TO HELL ON CHRISTMAS EVE!! WHAT THE SMURF KIND OF PLOT FOR A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL IS THIS?!?! I MEAN, MY GOD!!!! These kids are going to spend a smurf ton of money on therapy for the PTSD they’re going to have…
Anyway, the Smurfs are looking on from a nearby hill, wondering what they can do to help. Papa Smurf says that the only thing that will destroy hate is love. So the smurfs are told to sing!! Sing with smurfing love in their hearts!!
Goodness makes the badness go away!
Goodness makes the happy every day!
Badness cannot start
If there’s goodness in your heart!
Goodness makes the badness go away!
This is bad. This is really bad. I mean, the Smurfs are battling Satan for Christ’s sake! Do you know how serious this is?! It’s so serious that smurfing GARGAMEL starts singing the goodness song!! He’s the main villain of the series and he’s terrified of this “mysterious stranger,” who, btw, is SATAN.The fact that Gargamel is terrified enough to sing a song about goodness proves that this guy is the Devil.
Anyway, the smurfs, good little Christian warriors that they are, destroy Satan with their song. Imagine that; the products of hallucinogens defeating Satan. When the Rapture happens and most of us are left behind, we can just shoot ourselves up with smurfing ecstasy and smoke pot until the Smurfs show up. They will then sing their Sesame Street-esque motivational song and defeat Satan. At least we got that from this special. God smurf it.
After Satan fades away, the kids find their uncle, and the Smurfs return to their village only to find it destroyed. But hark! It is Christmas, the time for miracles! Now that we’ve gotten through the Satanic ritual, let’s return to old school Christmas themes shall we? One of the smurfs blows on his trumpet and suddenly, Smurf Village is restored and their Christmas tree comes back to life. Everyone’s happy. The end.
OK, I can honestly say that this was one of the most terrifying and disturbing Christmas specials I’ve ever seen. And I saw this for the very first time when I was 22!! Just a few days ago! And it STILL hasn’t left my mind!! I’m sure that this scared most kids when they saw it, simply because it does have some pretty scary scenes. But I’m sure most of them didn’t make the connection to Satan. What kind of sick fuck thought it would be okay to put this in a Christmas special?! And a Smurf Christmas special no less?! Do yourself a favor and STAY AWAY FROM THIS ONE. Basically, Satan is angry that there are good people in the world, so he tries to get revenge by trying to take 2 children to Hell on Christmas Eve. What the smurf does that have to do with Christmas?!If you’re brave enough, the special is on Youtube. And it’s going to be on Boomerang again at 6:30 PM on Christmas Eve. But seriously, I recommend that you don’t watch it.
Ugh, I think I’m going to watch Baby Smurf’s First Christmas. It might be a nice palate cleanser. And I’ll do the Ghostbusters Christmas special next. I don’t think I can talk about this Smurf special anymore, Merry Christmas guys. Be wary of Satan.
