WittyVitale's Blog of Randomness

In Which a Self-Insertion Goes Horribly Wrong (and Stupid)

August 1, 2010 at 8:43 PM (Uncategorized)

I know I haven’t updated in months, so let’s change that I did some digging in my room the other day and found an old fanfic. It was based off the game Skies of Arcadia and I wrote it when I was 14. It’s a piece of crap.

The writing style is terrible and the plot doesn’t even make sense. See, the official title of my fic was Skies of Arcadia People Go to NYC!! Basically, the 3 main characters get transported to NYC and have crazy-ass adventures. But then it switches to 14-year-old me in my room, writing the exact same fanfic (kinda like The Neverending Story, but not.) Well, long story short, the 5 Valuan Admirals crash my room, throw me out, and take over my fanfic. For the rest of the story, it’s up to 14-year-old Meredith to reclaim her house and fanfic.

So I decided to take a few snippets from the fic and post them here. WARNING, the fic is not well-written and kinda stupid, so read at your own risk (if you care or are just plain bored.) And you don’t really need to know the characters to read this, seeing as it’s not canon at all and takes place in another world. In the words of Aika when she throws her boomerang, “Here goes!”:

Meanwhile, while Meredith was writing this exact story on her laptop in her room, 5 people suddenly crashed through the window. It was the 5 Valuan admirals!

“OK, what are you freaks doing in my room?” asked Meredith.

“You know exactly why we’re in your room!” said De Loco.

“No, I really don’t.”

“Tell her, Belleza!”

Belleza steps up.

“Well, Meredith, we came here so we can have a part in your fanfic.” she said.

“Well, couldn’t you have at least used the door so you could tell me that?”

“No, no we couldn’t. So, do we have parts in your fanfic?”

“What exactly do you want me to put in this fanfic?”

Meredith was immediately pelted with suggestions.

“I want to kill Vyse!”

“I want to ram my ship into something!”

“I want a sex scene with Aika!”

“I want to flick my hair back 100 times!”

“I want a sex scene with Vyse!”

Meredith thought about it for a second and finally came up with an answer.

“No, no, no, no, and no! Those suggestions suck.”

“Even my sex scene with Aika?” asked Vigoro.

“Especially your sex scene with Aika! I talked to her about you last week, and I can assure you that she does not want a sex scene with you!”

(Cuts to a scene with Mer and Aika talking)

“So.”

“So.”

“Hey Mer, want a cigarette?”

“No thanx.”

(Scene ends)

“…OK, that wasn’t it, but seriously, I’m not putting that scene or any other of those scenes in this story.”

“Well then, we’ll have to do this the hard way, now don’t we?” asked Alfonso.

“Uhhh, what?”

“COME ANTONIO!!!!”

“NO, NOT ANTONIO!!!”

The giant metal bull suddenly came into Mer’s room.

“ANTONIO, DISPOSE OF HER!!!”

Antonio started charging at Mer, but she jumped out the window before it hit her. When she was outside, she said, “Oh god! There’re Valuans in my room! Touching my stuff, messing up my fanfic! I’ve gotta get back inside!”

<SNIP>

“Damn! They locked me out of my own house,” said Meredith. “I guess the only way back in is by going through the window!” So Meredith started climbing on the side of the house to get to her window.

<SNIP>

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I’VE FINALLY KILLED HIM!!! YES!!!” screamed De Loco.

“That’s enough of that!” said Gregorio. “It’s my turn now!”

Just as he said that, Meredith came through the window holding a sword she found lying on the ground outside. She pointed it at the admirals and said, “Get out of my room, Valuan scum!”

“Don’t be so dramatic!” said De Loco.

“Screw you!”

“YOU SCREW YOU!!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this.” Belleza whispered to the other admirals. She started to walk toward Mer. “Look, Mer,” she started. “If you let us write this fanfic, we’ll make it worth your while.”

“Whadda have in mind?” asked Mer.

“If you let us finish the fanfic, we’ll make you the sixth admiral of the Valuan Armada! We’ve been needing a sixth one since Ramirez quit.”

Mer thought about it for a sec.

“Hmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe I should… wait, WHY AM I EVEN THINKING ABOUT THIS?!?! I HATE VALUA!!!!! YOU PEOPLE SUCK!!!!! I’M NOT GONNA BE YOUR SIXTH ADMIRAL!!!!” screamed Mer.

“OK,” said Belleza. “I respect your opin….NOW! NOW!!”

Before Mer knew what was going on, all the admirals got on top of her, tied her up, and stuffed her under the bed.

“Finally, I can type my portion of the fanfic.” said Gregorio, and that’s exactly what he did.

/END FOR NOW

There is more to this, but my eyes hurt, so I might get it up later (thatswhatshesaid.) See ya!